I've spent the past couple of days obsessing over things I can't control, which is what I do best. Anyway, I started looking at the schools in the area we'll probably be living, and I found myself increasingly stressed out over the lack of secular schools in England. The concept of state-run religious schools is completely foreign to me. It is just a bizarre concept. I'm not saying it's wrong, but it is very different for me. The closest schools to where we will be living are all run by either the Church of England (Anglican) or the Roman Catholic Church. The closest secular school is almost 30 minutes on foot. Even with the tube, it's 20-ish minutes away.
Anyway, this is all really frustrating to me, and if you know me, you can probably understand why.
Last night, we took the kids for a walk, and I told M that I was really having a down day and I was second-guessing my love for England. I was worried that my "romantic" view of England had largely overshadowed the reality of what it would be like to live there, and that's never good.
Depending on how well you know me, this might be a surprise: I HATED France the first time I visited. I'm being serious. Hate is a strong word, and I'm not being dramatic. We were locked into moving by the time we visited, and I was pretty sure we had made a mistake. Still, I went ahead with it. The first month we were in Paris, I knew we had made a mistake. It was so hard. It was frustrating. I couldn't understand anyone, I felt completely helpless, and we had no money (our house hadn't sold yet). Nothing had worked out the way it was supposed to, and life generally sucked.
Two months later, you couldn't pry me away from that city with a crowbar. Of course, I'm not there anymore, and circumstances change, but it's pretty safe to say that Paris is the best city in the world in my opinion.
Likewise, I didn't like London at all when we went. I thought it was a horrible city, and I couldn't understand why anyone would want to go there voluntarily. And that frustrated me, because you see, even then, I knew I would end up there. London is my calling, and it has been for at least 6-7 years. I don't know why. I don't know what I'm going to find there or why it's necessary that I'm there, but it is.
I try to hold onto these things when I'm feeling less than enthusiastic about moving. Today I woke up and realized that this situation somewhat mirrors the move to France, and that turned out really well for us.
The weird thing about this move is that EVERYTHING seems to be falling into place with it. I'm telling you, London is my calling. It HAS to happen, and I almost feel like I'm not in control of the situation anymore. It's a very bizarre feeling, especially for someone who likes to be in control of her life.
The graduate tutor with the Institute of Archaeology told me back in September that I was being recommended a place. Still, I have to wait for a letter from the admissions department for it to be "official." And today, when I was feeling the most exasperated and unsure of this move, this arrives.
These are the types of things that seem to happen. Kismet, destiny, fate, coincidence--it doesn't really matter. The good thing is, it reaffirms my belief that this is the right course of action.
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