This could change, but for now, I love the German Consulate in Los Angeles. And it got such bad reviews, too. (??) Weird. But I promise this wouldn't be the first time I loved someone or something everyone else hated. :)
Ok, so my appointment was REALLY early in the morning. I didn't want to battle LA traffic, and I didn't want to spend the night in LA, so I got up at 3AM and drove down. I sat in the car before my appointment and got dressed, did my makeup (so you KNOW it was important--haha!), and did my hair. I had about 20-30 minutes to kill, so I watched Spongebob on my iPod. I really wish I would have brought my iPad.
While I was watching Spongebob, I really thought I was going to throw up, which is just ridiculous for me. Things rarely faze me like that. I tried to close my eyes and concentrate on how stupid I was being, but when I closed my eyes, I got even more sick. I still had 20 minutes until my appointment, but at this point, I knew I wasn't doing myself any good sitting in the car, so I went up to the consulate.
Now, the German Consulate is a funny place. It's in an office building essentially, and you'd really never know it was there. I almost thought I had the wrong place, and I had to double-check the email the Vice-Consul sent. When I got up there, the security guard looked in my purse, checked my name, and told me to go right up to the window. She said they would speak to me as soon as the window opened for the day.
I had to take my passport photos first. They came out just ridiculous. I look like I'm getting ready to be sent to prison or something. I sort of wish I would have taken them over, but they were so funny, I just left them. Now I'll have something to laugh about every time I travel on that passport.
The window was open by the time I came out of the photo booth, so I sat down and waited. A heavy-set woman eventually sat down, smiled, and said, "Morgen."
"Morgen," I said. "Entschuldigen Sie. . .Sprechen Sie Englisch?"
Yes. I seriously wanted to dig a hole in the floor and crawl in, but there was NO way I could have gotten through it in German. Even French, which feels like treading water for me, would have been too hard. My head was just completely blank. It's a miracle I even got it all out in English. Even still. . .I forgot some things.
"Yes," she said. "Do you have an appointment?"
After she checked my appointment, she asked for my paperwork. I put it through the little two-way drawer, and she pulled it over to her side. She opened my envelope and started sifting through everything. She looked at all the documents, took them out of their carefully arranged order (at that point, I was panicking a little) and looked them over a second time. Finally she nodded.
"You're German because your dad was German when he was born," she said.
Now I'm excited. She GETS it. She actually GETS it. "Yes!" I said, probably a little too loud.
"And you've spoken to Vice-Consul Schwarz already?" she asked.
"Yes," I said.
"And she said it was ok?"
"She said she would need to verify the documents in person, but that there should be no problem."
"Did you scan and email them to her?"
"No," I said. "She didn't ask me to."
"Ok," she said. "I'm going to make photocopies." Then she stopped. She had my marriage certificate in her hands. "Ok," she said. "There is a small problem. I'm not saying you're not German--" at this point, my heart is in my stomach "--but this marriage is a problem. What I recommend to you is that you apply under your maiden name. You are still married, but you can't declare a married name unless your husband is with you and signs a declaration. He's not here, right?"
My heart moved back up to its proper place, I told her M wasn't there, and she left to make her photocopies. She was gone for about 3 minutes maybe, but it seemed like an eternity. I started at the "Please do not touch the microphone" sign nearly the whole time. I had a sneaking suspicion there were cameras pointed at the window, and my paranoia kicked in a little. I had visions of her watching me on some hidden camera, waiting for me to do something weird so they could deny me. So I tried to stay as still as possible.
She came back and sent my originals through the two-way drawer. "Just give me a few minutes, ok?" she said. "It takes some time to type everything in."
Finally she printed out the info sheet and attached my passport photo on it. I sort of felt like I needed to apologize for the horrible photo, but I didn't. She sent the info sheet through the drawer for me to sign.
"If you need help translating, let me know. It's all in German," she said. Un-freaking-believable. These people are bonafide saints. They have to be. Could you imagine someone applying for a US passport and the agents saying, "Here, let me help you translate. . ."
"Thank you," I said. "I can read German, but I'm afraid I would break your ears if we tried to speak in it today. I'm too nervous."
"Don't be nervous!" she said. "There's really nothing to be nervous about, and really, we're all nervous enough here because Germany is playing today in the World Cup!"
"Yes, my husband said I should get in and out before 11:30, because after that, you won't want to pay attention to me."
She laughed. "If we lose, we'll want to pay lots of attention to you!"
Then, just to further highlight my supreme stupidity, I signed the form. With my married name. Yep. "Oh my God!" I said. "I'm so sorry!"
"No, it's no big deal, really." I passed the paper back through the drawer. "We'll start again," she said.
"It's more work for you," I said.
"No, it's really not. I told you. There is no reason to be nervous." She already had another paper printed out, and she just took off my passport photo and affixed it to the new sheet. I signed correctly this time and handed over the $89 fee.
"Now you can pick it up when its ready, right?" she said.
"Right," I said.
"Actually, can I include the emails you brought in your file?"
"Absolutely," I said.
"The Vice-Consul will need to sign off on this, and she is out of the office until next week. Maybe the emails will jog her memory."
I'm all for that, so into the file all the emails went. In return, I got my receipt.
"How long will it take?" I asked.
"It's about 2 months right now," she said. "Maybe a little longer for you since this is your first passport. We'll call you when it's ready. Or we'll call you if there is a problem."
With that, I thanked her and left. It took maybe 20-30 minutes in total. Sadly, it took longer to get Mr. A and Mini-Minion their passport applications filed.
I figure if I can get through the next week without a phone call from them that there is a problem, we should be good. After that, it will go to Germany, and my passport will be printed. For my sake (and the sakes of those around me), there had better not be a phone call next week. :)
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